I used to be able to write really eloquent (or so I was told), interesting, well-written blog articles and journal entries back in the day. I also used to read a lot more then. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve spent so much time online that I seem to have lost some of my vocabulary and descriptive/emotive abilities, or perhaps I was just an emo kid and so everything came out all “poetic” and pretty-like. I was told once that I wrote in a sort of “poetic prose” style, and I miss that.
This entry isn’t like that though, as much as I would like it to be, because I don’t know how to write like that anymore. I do genuinely feel like I have lost that. I remember in high school and college whenever essays where assigned, my thought was always “awesome, no problem!” because it was one of the things I knew I would excel at. Never received a bad mark on one. Writing an essay for my grad school application? Piece of cake! Flowery words and beautiful imagery where not foreign concepts to me. In English OR Spanish. I’ve always struggled more with figuring out WHAT to write about, but once I have a topic, actually writing it out always came easily.
However this entry is not one of those. This entry is my attempt at trying to piece my thoughts together. I don’t know if maybe it’s my anxiety being more severe now than it was back then, though I remember it being fairly dark even then. My thoughts now feel so jumbled that I am having trouble even piecing out what it is that I want to say in the first place. You’ve noticed this I’m sure, if you’ve been following my word. What I think most people can get out in a few paragraphs takes me walls of text to convey. I would apologize for that but I don’t really feel sorry, and I don’t think I should feel sorry. Is it something I should work on in order to become a better writer? Probably, but this is personal.
At this point I am going to cut/hide the rest of this, read it if you wish but I do not want to impose my words upon anyone and have people feel offended or annoyed at me because of what I said.
My stomach’s been bothering me a lot lately. Been going on for a couple of weeks or so.
I’m going to put the rest of this behind a cut because I’m figuring most people will consider this TMI and few care to read about these kind of things, or read another #firstworldproblem rant about digestive issues.