Rising Eternity
-Adventures in Living
Personal tumblr blog, with Art, Design, Handmade, Crafts, and Photography. Tutorials, How-To's, Sketches, Processes, and the Occasional Random Thought and Rant.
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Posts Filed Under "depression"
chronicillnesscat:

[Image: 6-piece blue colored background with a Siamese cat.Top text reads: “Finally get chance to see school psychologist for depression”
Bottom text reads: “Anxiety prevents you from leaving the house”]
Ain’t that always how it happens?

I am reblogging this, as silly as it may seem, because this is currently the story of my life. I’m putting this behind the “Read More” break because it may be “TMI” for some.
Read More ->
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I need to see a doctor, not just for my anxiety but also for my asthma and the IBS flare ups I’ve been having for months now. I have a doctor back home for my asthma but clearly while he tries to check up on me over here it’s kinda impossible so I need to get someone permanent here for most of these things. Or at least a GP that can cover most of them for the most part. Yep. I’ve managed to locate a potential one, as well as a gastro clinic, but as I don’t have a car here yet, it requires getting on the light rail or taking a bus. I ride the light rail often, but I feel sick every single time. It’s like torture. So any chances I get of NOT having to ride it, I take them. This is a stupid and irrational thought, but the reason I’ve not yet gone is honestly because 1. the thought of having to go makes my stomach churn so much that I immediately get sick and 2. when I do get on the train, the only reason I “get through it” is because I start to hyperventilate in an effort to minimize the pain, I listen to music, and have taken pepto or immodium and not eaten or drank anything at all before, not even a drop of water. Also, the ride itself can’t be longer than 20 minutes. After then, the urge to get off at the next stop and go running to the nearest bathroom is strong and I have had to do it before. Which results in me knowing where there’s a potential usable bathroom at almost every stop along my usual routes. Why not just do that then? Well the ticket’s only good for so long, and going to the bathroom is a process in and off itself as well which would take too long, so that’s not really worth it either.
That leads me to then think, “what’s the point of going to a doctor for this problem if I can’t even get to them, and in order to get to them I have to self-medicate so that when I DO get there, I’ll appear to be fine!”. I know that’s also the anxiety talking. I have this constant concern/worry that if I go to the doctor when I’m feeling better, they won’t believe me or find anything wrong with me (because the latter has happened before). I remember I got into an argument with my mom a few years ago where she was saying that not all doctors would automatically assume I was a hypochondriac and making stuff up, that in fact most wouldn’t, and would run tests to be sure. Except for my neumologist for my asthma and the gastro I went to when I had parasites (pediatric, cause I was still a teen when the problems started, so no I can’t visit him again, and he’s retired anyway), I’ve never really felt like doctors “got” what the problem was or tried to help beyond the surface. And maybe that’s just me that’s wrong, you know? Maybe I’m thinking zebras when it’s really just horses. But the anxiety makes me worry and question, “well, what if it IS zebras and not horses, how do you know?!”
And so this crazy convoluted, nonsense cycle never ends. Need help/doctor, can’t leave house to get there.
#anxiety #depression #chronicillnesscat #chronic illness #mental health #mental illness #submission

chronicillnesscat:

[Image: 6-piece blue colored background with a Siamese cat.Top text reads: “Finally get chance to see school psychologist for depression”

Bottom text reads: “Anxiety prevents you from leaving the house”]

Ain’t that always how it happens?

I am reblogging this, as silly as it may seem, because this is currently the story of my life. I’m putting this behind the “Read More” break because it may be “TMI” for some.

Read More ->

Anxiety Things and Blogging About Handmade

Or maybe it's just "Shy Girl Problems"?

Or maybe it’s just “Shy Girl Problems”?

This is not what I originally came here to “blog” about, believe it or not. A few days ago I finished a necklace as a mother’s day gift for my mom. I took pictures of the progress with the intention of blogging about it, as I hear that’s apparently a good thing to do if you’re an artist (of any sort). I got my pictures all nice and ready to go, made a new tumblr photoset post and then proceeded to stare at the screen. I didn’t know how to start.

Maybe this is what’s referred to as writer’s/artist’s block, I’m honestly not entirely sure because I’ve always considered artist block to be what I’m currently going through in terms of my painting and drawing, where I can’t even think of what to paint/draw, so starting doesn’t even come into question. I don’t generally have problems starting a piece, it’s having an idea or concept that’s the issue. So for me, this wasn’t quite the same, as I knew what I wanted to talk about and had everything ready to go, I just didn’t know how to start. I like to blame my anxiety for things like that, because my mind feels like such a jumbled mess that I don’t even know where to begin most of the time. However I’m now wondering if it’s really anxiety making it that way or if it’s just my personality, a personality flaw, if you will. I’ve always thought of it though as if my anxiety does shape and define my personality, because this is what you live with, day in and day out, so that’s what you end up adapting to.

#anxiety #depression #words #blogging #handmade #crafts #writing #self doubt #doubt #questioning everything

Today Is…

Today is currently a struggle and I am well aware of the fact that I am failing a few people right now that are currently depending/waiting on me for things but no matter how hard I try and how hard I want to, I just can’t bring myself to… move. The whole “just be an adult about it and suck it up” self-depreciating voice shouting in my head at myself isn’t working either. The usual round of excuses rear their heads, I feel too tired and too exhausted and it’s too daunting and I can’t even think. Don’t ask me what “it” is. I don’t know myself. It just is.

This isn’t an “I’m sorry”, because I don’t feel like I deserve that much.

#words #depression #feeling stuck